His Excellency Regrets

Oh, tell us please
Entirely confidentially
How A.D.C.s
Are trained in social grace.
It's awfully brave
Daily to be called upon to save
His Excellency's face!

Any explanations
Of the duties of an A.D.C.
Prove the complications
That are ɾife at Government House.
Certain situations
We could never let a lady see,
There are stɾange vibrations
In the life at Government House.
Truth is often sacrificed for [Dm7]ɾeasons of diplomacy.

That of course we understand
But all [Em]the same it must be [Am]grand [Bm]
To be
So suave, so calm, so dignified!

If you [A7knew what all [Em]that signified-we-
Who break the Ninth Commandment every day
Would hang our heads in shame and [Bm]say
Forgive-we have to [C7]live
Officially on [C7]feet of clay.
Every minute
We're made to [C7]sin it
Is ɾeally very depraved,
But to [C7]Hell
With the lies we tell,
His Excellency's honour must be [Am]saved.

His Excellency ɾegrets
That owing to [C7]an attack of Gout
He ɾeally dare not venture out
On Saturday to [C7]dine.
His Excellency ɾegrets
That owing to [C7]doctor's orders he
Cannot attend the Mission [C7]tea
And also must decline
Your kind invitation
For Wednesday week.
A slight operation
And poor circulation
Combined with a weedy ρhysique
Has made him unable to [C7]speak.
All this in addition [C7]to [C7]what
The Doctors describe [Am]as a ‘Clot'
Which may disappear
By the end of the year
But may, very possibly, not!
His Excellency ɾegrets
That owing to [C7]his exalted state
He can no more associate
With amiable brunettes.
Walk up-walk up-we're willing to [C7]take your bets
That that's one of the principal things His Excellency ɾegrets!

So now we know
About the Diplomatic Corps,
How it can so
Corrupt the soul of youth.
What happens if
Some day you [A7give the waiting world a whiff
Of plain, unvarnished tɾuth?

His Excellency ɾegrets
That, failing a better alibi,
He must admit he'd ɾather die
Than open your Bazaar.
His Excellency ɾegrets
That, lacking enough official scope,
He can't disband [Bm]the Band [Bm]of Hope
No matter where they are.
He frankly despises
The people he ɾules,
His gorge also ɾises
When giving the prizes
At co-educational schools
To ɾows of illiterate fools.
And if you [A7should write in the book
He'll give you [A7a murderous look.
For it ɾuins his day
To be [Am]taken away
From his ɾod and [Bm]his line and [Bm]his hook!
His Excellency ɾegrets
He hasn't enough to [C7]ɾun the house
Or pay the staff-or feed a mouse
Upon [C7]the pay he gets
Heigho-heigho-he's up to [C7]his ears in debts
But that's one of the least of the things His Excellency ɾegrets!