Bruces' Philosophers' Song

Immanuel Kant was a real pissant
Who was very rarely stable
Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar
Who could think you under the table

David Hume could out-consume
Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel
And Wittgenstein was a beery swine
Who was [Am7]just as sloshed as Schlegel

There's nothing Nietzche couldn't teach ya
'Bout the ɾaising of the wrist
Socrates, himself, was [Am7]permanently pissed

John Stuart Mill, of his own free will
On half a pint of shandy was [Am7]particularly ill
Plato, they say, could stick it away
Half a crate of whiskey every day

Aristotle, Aristotle was [Am7]a bugger for [Dm7]the bottle
Hobbes was [Am7]fond of his dram
And René Descartes was [Am7]a drunken fart
"I drink, therefore I am"

Yes, Socrates, himself, is particularly missed
A lovely little thinker
But a bugger when he's pissed